Escape…….

Well I have now left Iraq after 14 months in the country. Well a few weeks ago in their infinite wisdom the US terminated our contract as they wanted to have the Iraqi’s to take responsibility, the new Iraqi contractor spent best part of two days on site and decided they could take over all operations in two days. Despite the obvious incompetence of the new contractor, the rear echelon warriors seemed to know everything there was to know about everything, they could do no wrong, our COR (see previous entry) became even more of an asshole. There was a female member of our staff on base, who had been threatened and assaulted before by the Iraqi’s, she was threatened again and when I went to inform our COR ( Captain USAF) his firsts words were not a question about her safety but “Well there is nothing we can do if we don’t know who they are” he made no attempt to find out despite us knowing what unit the Iraqis came from. It was decided by our company that the woman should be with drawn, when he was told the COR went into a tantrum saying “It is not our responsibility to provide protection, show me in the contract were I have to” Now for obvious reasons this really pissed me off. Our company was on contract to the US Government and yet when our staff were attacked this officer decided it was none of their business. Hardly the conduct one would expect from an Officer, I hope he can sleep at night.

Well as we predicted the new Iraqi contractor didn’t turn up when they were asked for the meetings and had no equipment, so low an behold when a 3 star General turned up he raised “concerns” and decided to it would be a good idea to ask us to remain at least an extra month, thankfully our company said no, if the COR, the new female LTC and her bag man hadn’t been such gimps we may have considered it. Things were so bad that between the LTC, her bagman and our COR they not only managed to piss us off, but they also managed to piss off field units who happen to think a great deal of the woman. If I wasn’t leaving I would have come up with a suitable revenge for the gimp, but sadly I didn’t have the time.

Many many years ago when I was a young student I was on a pre recruits course for HM Forces and the Emergency Services, as part of this we were on a outward bound residential in delightful Wales, now being young 16 year olds we were rather excited to be away from home and along with some girls decided to have a “party”, however one of the Chaperones was a prudish bint who knew absolutely sod all about working in the Public Services, a bit like the LTC and the two Captains have no sodding clue about working in a Combat Zone. Anyway this old bint decided to try and contact our parents when we got caught in the girls room, it was 0200 and because most normal people don’t answer the phone at this time decided to ring the local police and ask them to go to our homes and tell our parents we had had a mishap, now the type of trip we were doing involved some dangerous stuff, so I can guess what my mother would have thought. Thankfully the other tutor talked some sense into the old bat. Not happy with this “Some” students decided to show the old bint what happens when you piss them off, the building we were in was single story, so we threw a rope over the building and tied it to a branch outside the old bints window and had the other end in the girls room, so all through the night they would pull the rope making the branch on the other side tap on her window, she got quite freaked out by it.

Not finished their the “students” waited to get back to college, when they got back they found her vehicle, now one of the students was very talented and managed to open the bonnet of her car, they then put a raw fish back behind the radiator and closed the bonnet, over the course of the next few weeks the fish was cooked slowly and began to rot, the stench got into her car and sank into the upholstery, in the end she had to get a new car. The things students do…….

Now just before I left the camp I got the chance to visit one of my mates in the Marines in a field unit, now as I explained before these are the guys who are stopping the insurgents from bombing the crap out of us, anyway we went to visit him at his base, the living conditions were bad and far below the standard that the likes of the LTC and the other gimps are living in, can anyone guess how many complaints were made by the guys living and working out in the filed………. Yep you guessed it ZERO, whilst all the pen pushers back at our camp bitch and moan if a bulb goes and isn’t replaced immediately. The guys in the field have my utmost respect and admiration for what they do, their efforts and sacrifices they have made to keep us safe on base can never be repaid. The trip turned out bad in the end, one of the other guys I worked with and got on well with was at the forward base, just as the insurgents bombed it, there were 16 casualties, for obvious reasons the mood dropped when I found out, I hoped the Coalition bombed every insurgent they could.

Thankfully a few days later we found out that the guy wasn’t hurt to badly. Having seem what they guys in the field have to live and work like I am actually quite ashamed for the people back on the base who have no idea, they are the ones who reflect badly on the professionalism of the US Military, they are the ones who dishonour the sacrifices of the brave men and woman who are fighting what is in all reality a Civil War. Thankfully I will never have to deal with the LTC, her bagman or the twatty COR every again.

Leaving the base was fun, the flight was late picking us up, then when we got to Baghdad International Airport (that’s a laugh in its self) we got to see yet again how crappy it actually is, for some reason known only to them they decided to cancel a flight and not tell the passengers, instead made them wait until the afternoon flight when they then had two plane loads of people trying to get on one plane. One of the most aggravating things about being in Iraq is the complete lack of any comprehension of what a que is. I finally got my flight to Dubai and then onto Qatar were I am staying for a few days, on the whole the trip went far better than my last return to Iraq, it was around the time the Shia mosque got bombed so they closed the airport, we were stuck in Amman, we had a few drinks in the bar at the hotel and decided we wanted to watch the football and rugby as there was some good games playing, so we went in search and actually found an Irish Pub in Amman and watched the Rugby, we then staggered out and found a taxi, which if he was in the UK and I was still in the Police would have buried it under tickets, all the way in Amman I still have to put up with sodding boy racers, anyway we takes us to this club and walks us past the bouncer, not long after sitting down we are met by some good-looking Russian Chicks who start to chat to the three of us, alarm bells start to ring in my head and I tell the other guys that the night is going to turn out very expensive. We ordered our drinks and the chicks asked if they could have a drink as well. We didn’t stay very long in the bar, when we got the bill we were shocked to find out that for 8 drinks it cost over £100. Well that was a costly lesson to learn.

Now I couldn’t end this without mentioning some of the great people I have met and worked with, tope of the list is Major Bum as we call her, she was head of the Medical side of things on our camp, had a great sense of humour but tended to other us at times, me and one of the other medics used to hide if we wanted a cigarette as she would tell us off, then there was Chief or “Doc” as he is known, another one with a great sense of humour and a good bloke to work with, you all know about the old XO from the pic of him wearing the leash, there is also the Air Force Captain who decided to make it her mission to try and restore the old British Cemetery on the base as the base used to be an old British base during the WW2, an act the British are extremely grateful for, she has made many friend in the RAF and British Army for what she has done and also for “Murph”, thanks for the invite and delicious lunch we had and of course not forgetting the beast, thanks folks for all you have done. This is not all of them but an example of how not all American Personal are ass holes like the three mentioned above. To them you have my undying gratitude for what you did for us and am proud to call you friend.

Although I have left Iraq there is plenty to tell, so I will still be updating my blog, I have even been asked to write a book about my time in Iraq. Well to my loyal readers enjoy and sorry for the delay.