Pastures new

During my time down South I was also based at a large transit camp for truck drivers, it was certainly interesting, despite the US Military having no frat rules there was rampant humping going on, there were a few pregnancies and quite a few guys with droopy dick. It even got to the point that the medic and I had to start giving out condoms when we caught a group of truck drivers banging away in the DVD room, I had a night mare trying to justify to my boss why I was requesting a gross of condoms.

Got to go on leave via Kuwait, went for a meal in a nice restaurant, weird thing is you cant drink alcohol or dance in Kuwait, but up stairs in the restaurant they had a disco for a load of people in their late teens, must have been real fun. Got to fly KLM home so was pretty good.

Met up with a few mates back home in Blighty then got transferred to a camp in the middle of the Sunni Triangle as punishment.

Still had some entertainment from ps.com, always good for a laugh was Boromir, he not only had a rose tinted glasses on but think has rose tinted eye balls. Well I got to my new camp which was an old RAF base during the Second World War, got my own room which was pretty good so I could watch DVD's and just chill out. It was here that I cam to realise what a complete and utter waste of space a large part of the Iraqi Army is, in all the years of involvement with Military/police I have never met such an unprofessional organisations, at this camp the Jundie do one of 4 things, steal everything that isn’t bolted down, vandalise it if it is bolted down, shit everywhere including in the corner of their bedrooms and the worse of all screw each others brains out, they are not even discreet about it, I have lost count of the amount of times we have caught them, there were 4 of them banging away in the doorway on one of the main roads, then there were two whacking off in the shower, it got so bad none of us in our team would go anyway unless we were in pairs as we kept getting proposition.

Just before I arrived the XO of the camp a Captain in the USMC was having a shower, one of the Iraqi Officers walked in after being on leave, stripped to have a shower ( a rarity for Iraqi Soldiers), he noticed the Captain and walked up and hugged him saying "Hello My friend", just at that point one of the young American Lieutenants walked in, saw what was happening, turned round laughing and told everyone, the Captain had to put up with jokes the rest of his time on base.

When I arrived I found out I was the only Brit, apart from the obvious Iraqi's, there were also Americans, Indian, Pakistani, Sierra Leon and loads of South Africans.

The new XO had an excellent sense of humour, so we started a US-V-UK banter, to start with he thought I was innocent, but he made a couple of comments, so I managed to "acquire" a picture with his face on, so I got a mate to put his face on a few embarrassing pictures, I put the poster up and around the military compound, he nearly died laughing, everyone got the blame except me, then e found out.

Despite there being large 5.5 cubic meter rubbish skips next to their barracks they Jundie insist on dumping their rubbish at spots around the camp. In the end the only safe way of disposing of the rubbish was to set fire to it, so we doused it with fuel then set it alight, only problem was some thick twat left a AK47 magazine in the rubbish, then there was an almighty bang, the Captain and I almost needed a change of shorts.

Mean while back home the forum became more and more of a white wash, they don’t understand that their comments and actions reflects on the whole service, the in crowd treat anyone who has the guts to have an individual opinion with disdain and what is tantamount to bullying just because people have the conviction to have a thought other than the official one spoon fed to them by the PR department.

The forum is such a friendly environment that the moderators have a private area were they discuss members who have no access to the data, then compile dossiers on people and forward them to people forces, hardly an action that upholds the principles of the code of conduct, if anyone dares to even hint that a moderator may be wrong they get jumped on and told “its my sight I run it how I like”

The people on there are so stupid they make facetious comments hinting that I made up the whole thing about working in Iraq.

During all this time I had the pleasure of running convoys between two camps in the most delightful area of Iraq.

Met a couple of little Hitler’s on the camp, little NCO’s in the US Military who think they have allot of power, I always like to give them enough rope to hand themselves, then pull the chair out from under them.