Off to Sunny Iaq

Well after having god knows how many blood tests managed to get my medical results through, the company I was going to work for even wanted a test to show I wasn’t suffering from Anthrax, when I asked the Doctor for it they laughed, saying if you had it you would be dead.

Finally got to Heathrow and got my tickets for Royal Jordanian Airlines, the royal in their name bares no resemblance to the quality of service, the interior of the cabins looks like a tacky 60's room, the chairs are broken and the ear phones have two volumes full or off, I finally got to Amman and signed an open ended contract.


It was quite entertaining sitting at the gate in Amman Airport, you could tell all the American security, talking about how they carry spare parts for their weapons and can strip and replace a defective part under fire in less than 2 minutes, are these people for real.....

I got to Baghdad and got conned out of $10 Visa by the sodding Iraqi, not a good start, from there got sent to my first posting, the Iraqi Equivalent of RMA Sandhurst, what a joke. I saw a British PTI taking some Jundie (Iraqi Soldiers) for a run, thought the veins in the poor soldiers neck was going to burst.

In its day the camp was pretty good, in my time in the police I had gone into some real crappy houses, the type were you wipe your feet before you leave, but nothing prepared me for the site of how Iraqi soldiers live.

Now in the Police I had seen a fair amount of weird stuff, one night I was leading a Public Order van when I saw a pair of legs sticking out from under a bush, when we pulled up I saw a guy sitting on the floor with his trousers around his ankles with a bird riding him, my mate turned on the blue strobes and sirens, poor guy nearly shit himself, I thought that was funny, but nothing would have prepared me for the site of a group of Iraqi soldiers screwing each others brains out in the middle of the barracks, what’s worse they invited me to join them, "Hey Mister, you fiki fiki", I nearly had car accident as I drove off so quickly back to the safety of my room.

Throughout all this had a steady stream of entertainment from a police website forum I joined when I was still in the police, www.policespecials.com there are some real anal retentive gimps on there, just before I left for Iraq there was a "social", it didn’t turn out to be very social, by this point a few of them knew I was coming out to Iraq, so the majority of the people there including some of the esteemed all singing all dancing knows everything about the police moderators also completely ignored me, still managed to get pissed with some mates though.

Not long after arriving at the Camp I had to get my Military ID card, got all the paperwork sorted, took my passport and went to BIAP (Baghdad International AirPort) were there is the main base. The road leading into the airport is one of the most heavily attacked in Iraq, it was there we met Major Secret Service as we named him, a true example of what is bad about the US Military and the reason they have a bad reputation, he was a USMC Major, he decided to get in an argument with out Private Security Detail, at the first Checkpoint surrounded by Iraqi’s who hadn’t been checked or searched he decided to shout “I know more about security than you micky mouse outfits, I am in the secret service, I guard the President of the United States”, after deciding to make us wait for three hours just because he had a bit of power he went, as soon as he had gone we were let through